Archive for the ‘Hope’ Category

Looking Back

Looking Back
by Nina Spink

I haven’t got a pretty past.
It isn’t nice to hear.
There’s a great deal of hurt in there.
With a fair amount of fear.

And going through it, God knows I wished
I was anywhere but there.
I used to dream it wasn’t real
I’d be rescued from despair

I’d spend my days, counting down the years
crossing off each mark on the wall
But right here, right now, I’d not have it changed.
Bittersweet, I survived it all

I can never hope to change the past,
Or what’s been said and done.
I’m the product of the life I’ve led
It has made me who I am.

This person now before you stands
with hopes and dreams recast
To take control of her future path
Not just a victim of her past.


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Where am I?

Where am I?

By Nina

I’ve travelled far though never left my room
to far off lands of hope and doom

Where monsters thrive and demons dwell
Where Heaven exists alongside Hell

A universe of kings and queens
A world of nightmares and of dreams

Where the sea is red and the sun is white
Where there is no day and there’s only night

One minute, sailing on oceans wide
Next, swooping wings on which I glide

Fearlessly, I’m a warrior brave
from evil tyrants damsels save

Phobia’s faced and put to rest
I deftly complete every quest

Virtual stars of the silver screen
There’s no one thing I haven’t been

Half man, half beast, good or bad
A super hero, sane or mad

And yet in the blinking of an eye
Lose concentration and I die

A mind within a game or a game within a mind
To relive, click ENTER – another life designed

Where am I? I can be anywhere

November 2009

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Open House

Open House
By Nina Spink

Just out of reach – one step too far?
There’s an open house waiting, the door slightly ajar

One gentle push – is all it would take
Standing just outside, such a small step to make

Once over the threshold – there’d be no turning back
Having left the highway for “off the beaten track”

And if I should get lost, completely lose my way
I may never find the way out, in limbo I’d have to stay

There’d be no regret, no experience I could unlearn
But the simplicity of pain before, would transform to a deeper burn

So should the sense of reason or curiosity prevail?
To choose safety or adventure, either way, I’d be doomed to fail

A tantalizing agony, an argument I cannot win
To chance an inquisitive nature or
remain on the outside, looking in

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Online Friends

Online Friends

by Nina Spink

Bouncing in the dock
He appears but he doesn’t speak
I wait

I can’t initiate
I want to but I am shy
I wait

He’s otherwise occupied
I don’t want to intrude
I wait

He signs out

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Fall From Grace

Fall From Grace
Nina Spink

You held me safe, or so I thought
Within your care my soul there caught
You glanced away ’twas then I fell
Swiftly descending into a hell
on earth with no way out
No one to hear me when I shout
for help; “rescue me”, I called in vain
left to languish in timeless pain

A soul discarded, thrown away
Abandoned, cast out to decay
In blackest fear I there remained
Alone within my thoughts was chained
and bound without hope of release
A banished mind devoid of peace
To ponder on what might have been
If my fall you had foreseen

Then at my lowest ebb you came
To lift me up, forgive my blame
For it was not into my ear
you whispered to allay my fear
Your saving words fell upon my heart
and kissed my soul with lips apart
Broken, bruised, ripped and torn
Safe to your bosom this soul was borne

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Life’s Storms

by Nina Spink

This raging storm inside my head
When will it ever subside
It’s been raining here so very long
a prisoner kept inside

Confusion confines me on every side
whichever door I’d take
leads onto vast gaping ravines
made during life’s earthquake

Respite offered but fleetingly
upon each transient breeze
Yet all too soon to disappear
Serves only there to tease

Still thunder roars within my mind
each searing lightning flash
dark secrets for a moment glimpsed
Expose the aching gash

A wounded soul in search of rest
Yet nowhere can it find
Safe haven from the incessant storm
it wanders bruised and blind

Swirling winds grasp, taking hold
attempt its will to break
drags down the soul then spews it out
left shattered in its wake

In the aftermath of each gale
silence once more does screech
Within the smashed and tattered mind
Peace hangs … just out of reach

So tempting just to close ones eyes
give up, then peeling back
the fingers of life’s vice like grip
Let go, no turning back

Still something stirs within the depths
that urges to remain
pick up the pieces of shattered dreams
to weather life’s storm again

With tentative yet shaky steps
the fragile soul, fear filled
Battered, broken by the hurricane
determined to rebuild

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Look for Me

by Nina Spink

You say you look, but you don’t see
If you really looked, you’d soon find me.
I am always there in the shadows
In the dark recesses of your mind
Someone, something once forgotten
If you search you will always find.

I’m the gold of the morning sun
The warmth in the summer breeze
The glint on the ocean waters
The rustle of the autumn leaves
as you trample them underfoot
when stealing thru the wood
at night I’m the moon watching
all you do, both bad and good

I’m there when the rain trickles slowly
down your face and soaks your clothes
when the biting winter winds come
and the frost as it chills your nose
I’m the sunshine as it warms your limbs
bringing laughter and joy and light
to your world otherwise tinged with darkness
a bleak landscape, of struggle and fight.

I’m there on the crowded platform
amongst all the bustle and jostling din
I’m there in the screaming silence
to quieten your raging soul within
To be always there when you want me
to be discarded or used when it suits
A listening ear, an emotional prop
A lover to soothe painful wounds

Feel me in the empty hotel room
In the delight of hot steamy showers
In the comfort of a white, snugly bathrobe
In the hugs in the early morning hours
that keep you close and wanted
the warmth and gentle caress
of longings stirring once forgotten
oh! soft lips as they gently press

I’m there in each of life’s frustrations
In the music inside your head
Unravelling your innermost secrets
in words your world is bled
over parchment of life as a canvass
a self portrait gradually revealed
displaying the colours of past times
a soul wounded once, now healed

I’m clothed about your body
In your outer and inner wear
I’m the memory of familiar places
The sadness that brings a tear
I’m a part of all your regrets
All your failures along the way,
things you had meant to achieve
The words you had meant to say

I share in your disappointments
In your unkindness and selfish acts
In your “take now, pay later” attitude
Your weakness to stop in your tracks
I have watched you drowning slowly
In your self made agony
A self inflicted demise
It’s hurt to stand by and see

But I am there when you feel abandoned
When Life deals you a hand to pass
When it seems that your only friend
Can be found at the bottom of a glass
I’m the hope on the distant horizon
The expanse of the infinite sea
stretching out with endless opportunities
of life’s challenges, that’s where I’ll be

If you’d look you’d easily find me
A voice who’d always answer your call
and then you’d suddenly realise
You’d really never lost me at all

Nina Spink
June 2009

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